Psychotherapy Doesn’t Create Narcissism; It Heals What’s Underneath It

The Misunderstood Role of Psychotherapy: Narcissism, Victimhood, and Emotional Healing

I recently came across a video claiming that psychotherapy and psychology are based on increasing narcissism, that therapy teaches people to play the victim and avoid taking responsibility. This idea is not just incorrect; it’s deeply misleading and harmful. It ignores the complexity of both narcissistic traits and the therapeutic process, and it risks turning people away from the very healing they may need most.

What Therapy Really Does (and Doesn’t Do)

Here’s what many critics miss: narcissistic traits often come from a lack of love, attunement, and emotional support in early life. They aren’t signs that someone is broken beyond repair. They're defence mechanisms—ways people protect themselves when their emotional needs were neglected or punished. Telling someone to “just take responsibility” without first creating space for them to feel safe is like asking a starving person to stop stealing food without ever offering them a meal. Therapy offers people a safe space to express and explore all parts of themselves, even the parts they’ve been taught to hide, suppress, or reject. This includes difficult emotions, confusing thoughts, and yes, narcissistic tendencies.

But that doesn’t mean therapy reinforces those traits. It’s the opposite: therapy is about understanding why these traits exist in the first place and gently challenging them. It holds both truth and compassion: “I see where this came from, and let’s look at how it’s affecting you and others now.”

Narcissism as a Defence, Not an Identity

Most narcissistic behaviours aren’t about confidence. They’re about protection. Many people develop narcissistic traits not because they were overly praised, but because they were never emotionally supported, especially during childhood. When someone hasn’t received love, attunement, or validation, they may grow up with an inner belief that they are unworthy or invisible. To cope, they construct a persona: superior, untouchable, self-sufficient.

That’s not pathological narcissism; that’s survival.

This is what I call the “fake narcissism of nowadays”; not fake as in not real, but fake as in performative, built as a shield. Underneath the surface, there is often deep insecurity and unhealed emotional wounds.

Therapy helps people understand these defences without shaming them. It helps them ask:

• Why do I feel the need to prove my worth?

• Why do I feel better when I think others are worse?

• What part of me is still afraid I’ll be unloved or unseen?

Safe Exploration AND Real Challenge

There’s a myth that therapy just coddles people, letting them blame others forever. In reality, a good therapist does both: they hold space, and they confront. You are supported, but you are also challenged, especially when defence mechanisms like denial, victimisation, or superiority start to limit your growth.

For example:

• If someone blames everyone else for their unhappiness, therapy might explore where that narrative started; perhaps in a household where they were punished for expressing emotions.

• But the therapist won’t stop there. They’ll help the client take accountability and ask what’s really in their control now.

  
  

That’s not indulging victimhood. That’s breaking it open.

Projecting “Victimhood” onto Others Is Also a Defence

Interestingly, those who loudly claim “everyone’s playing the victim” or that “therapy makes people narcissists” are often revealing their own unprocessed pain. Why would someone be so triggered by other people receiving emotional support? Often, it’s because they never got that support themselves. And when someone didn’t grow up in an environment where vulnerability was allowed, they may come to resent it in others.

This resentment becomes a new defence: a belief that “others are weak,” “others are manipulative,” or “therapy is for people who can’t take responsibility.” But that belief doesn’t make someone stronger; it just protects them from facing their own unmet needs.

We throw the term “narcissist” around far too often these days. And while narcissistic personality disorder is real, many people who show narcissistic traits are not full-blown narcissists. Instead, they’re often hurting, insecure, and disconnected from themselves—trying to find worth in being “better,” or by invalidating others who are vulnerable.

The irony is that the loudest voices accusing others of being “victims” are often expressing their own unhealed pain. They never had the space to be vulnerable, so they attack it in others.

Real Healing Requires Both Depth and Accountability

Therapy works when it combines emotional safety with emotional honesty. It doesn’t let people stay stuck in victim mode, but it does acknowledge that pain has a history. That history isn’t an excuse; it’s context. And healing begins when we finally stop ignoring that context and start working through it.

To reduce all of psychology to “promoting narcissism” is to deeply misunderstand what therapy is for. It's not about blaming others. It’s about discovering the truth behind our defences and learning how to live without them running the show.

Therapy helps people stop pretending to be “better than” or “worse than” others—and learn how to just be human.

So no—psychotherapy is not about inflating egos or reinforcing victimhood. It’s about breaking through the false identities we create to survive, and learning to live, relate, and love more freely.

And that’s the opposite of narcissism. That’s growth.